down the rabbit hole

Have you ever felt lost, alone, inadequate?  Thank you for being honest.  Me too.  In fact, these feelings built up over the years and I joined the throngs of those depressed and medicated.  Oh, and I'm in therapy too.  Scared yet?
Oddly all of these things are fairly normal for Americans, though we daren't speak of such things aloud. After all, there is still a stigma remaining for those who seek help - of any sort.  I finally chose to accept that I cannot "fix" my life on my own.  One does not choose to become depressed, just as one cannot choose to leave depression.  It is a condition that needs to be acknowledged and then slowly removed.  I wonder, though, if it will ever truly be gone...
My descent was extremely gradual - so much so that I didn't even realize it was occurring until my life was impacted by my condition.  I became moody and sad.  Not like the commercials, where a gray haze envelops life and the dog sighs to show that someone is clearly not in her right mind.  No, life was still colorful, even wonderful at times.  I just cried more, was easily agitated and mildly fatigued.
These small clues were ignored by both myself and my loved ones.  We entered into a new state of normalcy where mommy might break down crying for no reason at all.  Just wait a few minutes and she'll be better again.  Then my body began more troubling signals.  Incoming - plug your nose.
Did you ever associate gas with depression?  I certainly didn't.  In fact, I spent nearly 2 months trying to adjust my diet to figure out why I had suddenly become so gassy.  It was awful.  So bad in fact, that this last straw drove me to the doctor.  I went expecting to walk out with a prescription, but not this one and not a diagnosis...
After explaining my symptoms and assumptions, my doctor smiled, handed me a quiz, nodded and declared with no hesitation that I was moderately to severely depressed.  I should take medication and life would be better soon.  Don't worry, it's not your fault - anyone in your life situation could succumb to depression...
My life situation?  Was she serious?  Since when did having kids and a job equal inevitable depression?  I could think of at least 10 moms who had a busier life than I did, a more stressful life - who were not depressed to my knowledge.  So what exactly was I to discern from this?  I agreed to medication.  After all, if it would stop the gas, I was for it, but was skeptical about the diagnosis.
It wasn't until I nearly crashed on the way home after stopping at a red light and for reasons I'll never understand, then proceeding through the busy intersection.  I had almost gone all the way through before I realized the honks were for me.  Bring on the waterworks, big time.  We're talking sobs, shaking shoulders, the works.
I was depressed.  I am depressed.  Let the journey begin.